Navigating Change: How to Embrace the Cringe.
As I've transitioned from professional baker to writer and artist, I've realized that growth isn't just about moving forward—it's also about making peace with our past selves. Today, let's explore the art of closing chapters, the beauty in our "cringeworthy" moments, and how embracing our entire journey shapes who we are.
There’s a saying that the only things that are certain in life are death and taxes. The point is that everything else is uncertainty… and that’s not always comfortable. Change is the nature of life, so why do we lament about showing up as our imperfect selves in favor of some perfectly crafted image or narrative? Showing up “perfectly” allows us to circumnavigate the sticky waters of “cringe.” It may seem easier, but abandoning your past self isn’t the answer. You cannot leave it all behind, and attempting to do so will likely leave you feeling hollow.
I have always tried to treat my creative self as if it were a separate entity from my professional self. That’s not to say that my professional self isn’t creative, obviously there’s a fair amount of creativity in baking, but when I felt the urge to make creativity my driving force in life, it zapped my professional energy. Why? All of a sudden, my past experiences felt… inferior, as if I hadn’t lived up to my own standards. This had the effect of making me want to hide all my efforts close to my chest, to protect them. Not just from the judgement of others, but also from my own. We are our own worst critics, after all.
Finding Gold in the Cringe.
I think it’s common to see people push through this with a “just don’t care what others think of you” vibe, and while that may work for some, I’ve never really identified as someone who was desperate for the approval of others. Does that mean I want to embarrass myself on the internet? No, of course not. But when I’m in the throws of wanting to hide and not share a part of my journey, it’s usually because I am avoiding judgment from myself. This led me to a realization that changed the way I think about cringe-worthy moments. If you look back at past versions of yourself and think “wow, I wouldn’t be caught dead doing that now,” congratulations.
You’ve grown.
Isn’t that the point?
The Courage to Look Back
It takes vulnerability to revisit past versions of ourselves who didn’t quite have all the information and know-how that you currently have access to. It can be embarrassing. I feel this most of all in my art practice, but it’s also true of business. As a “multi-passionate individual” (does anyone else hate that term?) I used to look back at all the creative business ideas I had and think of them as failures. This process of reinvention had me trying on all kinds of hats:
I set up an audio studio in the closet of my old house and recorded exactly nothing.
I thought about buying land and growing cut flowers.
I tried pivoting my dog bakery to fit my life so many times I lost count.
I gave “human” baking a go again, and created a new brand, only to realize it’s still baking and my body can’t handle it.
I got halfway through studying for my real estate license.
I got my Notary Seal and planned a mobile notary business.
I started learning about Real-Estate photography and created a brand.
None of these things felt exactly right, but that’s true of most things when they are new, so it became really difficult to gauge when moving on from the idea was detrimental… and when it was just smart. All of these trials built up and I got SO in my head about how flaky it felt to jump around from thing to thing. Now? I’m really glad I tried all of those things. It’s even possible that I’ll revisit them someday, but for now, I’m proud that I took myself seriously enough to try a bunch of things and put myself out there.
Integrating Past and Present
I have a tendency towards black-and-white thinking. Close one chapter before starting a new one. That’s not exactly how life works though, is it? The truth is, I was stuck for a while. I was ignoring my past and trying my best to make a clean start. In retrospect, this seems so obviously flawed. How can you hope to bring all your growth with you, if you aren’t integrating what you’ve learned as previous versions of yourself? There is no such thing as a blank slate. In the words of our nation’s future mom-in-law, We do, in fact, exist in the context of all that came before us.
Growth is one of my core values. When I realized that moments of cringe represented growth, it finally clicked that instead of ignoring my past, I should leverage it for my future.
The Power of Self-Compassion
Integrating past versions of ourselves can be a challenge. If you’re still struggling to move past the idea of seeing your old self as cringey- enter compassion. It’s true that not everything you’ve ever done is something you’ll be proud of. And? That’s alright. Self-reflection means we can make meaning out of those experiences and do them differently next time. And doing that work means that you’re fostering a sense of resilience and creativity.
Closing a chapter doesn't mean erasing it. By embracing our past selves—cringe and all—we honor our journey and enrich our present. Every version of you, from the flour-covered baker to the word-crafting writer and dynamic painter, is a vital part of your story.
Think about a past version of yourself that makes you cringe. What would it be like to send that self some compassion? Share a moment of growth you've recognized or a past "cringeworthy" experience you now appreciate in the comments!
